News Flash: Top Shelf Market Closed!

News Flash: Top Shelf Market Closed!

Lafayette Hills, PA -- Due to the recent hostile takeover of Top Shelf Market by Manic Mart LLC, Manic Mart is scheduled to relocate headquarters to occupy Top Shelf's location.

The building at 531 Germantown Pike in Lafayette Hills, Pennsylvania was home to Top Shelf Market for 17 years. Managed and established by Mark Skaler, Top Shelf was a thriving business giving rise such names as Butcher Billy, Colugino, and randomzen.

In Top Shelf's last few years of operation in the reigns of Mark's widow, Debbie Skaler, Top Shelf took a turn for the worse. It was Debbie's erratic behavior that attributed to the eventual demise of Top Shelf as a whole. With Debbie at the helm, many key employees opted for work elsewhere, while others were simply fired. Top Shelf's customers deserted and business there quickly failed.

On a brighter note, Manic Mart's founders, SirSyko and Random Zen (pictured left) hope to bring new hope to a now suffering community without a supermarket. "We will rule though desperation and fear," remarks Random Zen, who was actually fired from Top Shelf years ago.

"Operation Full Circle was a complete success, nothing could stand in our way for long." gloats sirsyko, who showed abnormally genial behavior at this press conference. Manic Mart's head field correspondent, Giza, added, "We knew we had her by the balls so we moved right in for the kill and secured the area. Top Shelf was a dying carcass just asking to be eaten by predators like us."

Manic Mart LLC was established in 1998 while Random Zen was still employed at Top Shelf as a produce clerk. Years later, the Manic Mart Army has emerged as a global superpower with legions counted in millions. The destruction of archrival Top Shelf was merely a symbolic gesture of Manic Mart's raw power and resources, this press conference being a strategic move for assured future recruitment.

For more information, interested parties may contact Top Shelf's only remaining telephone line (the payphone in front of the store) at 610-828-9393. Random street bums will (sometimes) be available to answer any questions that you may have.

  

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