Oompa Loompa Death Squads

[giza]

Mike Teevee (Bruce Willis) runs across a gangplank, the Oompa Loompa Death Squads close behind. Hearing their eerie death chants growing louder and louder, Teevee turns to see how close the deaded Loompas are. As he does this, he fails to notice the edge of the gangplank and falls over. In desperation, he grabs the edge of the plank, holding on just barely.

Looking down, Teevee sees a boiling vat of chocolate, which makes him remember another such vat…

FLASHBACK:
Narration: It was ten years ago…my first real cop assignment. My partner and I were investigating the Almond Bar murders. We tracked our suspect to the Hershey factory where the bastard surprised us…knocked my buddy into a vat of hershey’s syrup. And I couldn’t save him…I couldn’t save him…That mocking voice, I can still remember what it said: "It's perfect! It's unbelievable! It's a miracle! It's a TV dinner! No, It's Wonkavision!" Those words have haunted me for over twenty years now. And now I know…It was Wonka the whole time.
END FLASHBACK

Teevee: (grunting from exertion) It won’t happen again…I won’t let that asshole get me.

Teevee looks over the edge of the plank and sees that the Oompa Loompas have almost reached him. In desperation, he reaches into his packet, pulling out a packet of candy corn dated 1975. Opening the package, Teevee throws the now rock-hard candies at the oncoming Loompas. The dagger-like projectiles slaughter the first of the Oompa Loompas instantly; the rest of the Loompas, unable to stop their momentum, fly over the pile of corpses into the vat of chocolate.

Teevee pulls himself back onto the plank and looks down at the vat.

Teevee: My mother always said, "Too much chocolate is bad for you."

It only goes downhill from here...

Comments

Why, oh, why...

[patchoblack.livejournal.com]

Who are these people and why aren't they getting the medical help they so obviously need? =^_^=

[danruk.livejournal.com]

Now, of course, Word is SERIOUSLY, there is the "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" remake in the works from director Tim Burton. A darker version of Wonka that supposedly will want to follow the darker undertones of the book. (NO really, READ it, it's pretty creepy for a kids book!)

Though this Bruce Willis idea was a pretty fun 'goof up' of that same idea.

It IS a a 'goof up'...

ISNT IT?!?!?

Oh dear....

Matt/Danruk

[tiggycat.livejournal.com]

o.O

[music4fun.livejournal.com]

What are "the deaded Loompas" ? You must be working too hard :-)

[giza.livejournal.com]

Haven't you ever seen Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

[music4fun.livejournal.com]

Of course, many times. Matter of fact, a local high school will be doing this play this spring. But, they'll have 'dreaded' Oompa Loompas. ;-)