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The Diet Emo Post
Jul. 9th, 2010 08:09 pmThose of you who have read my Tweets or talked to me online have probably caught on that this has been a pretty rough week for me. Work's been fine, but there have been events taking place in my personal life that I don't have much control over, and don't want to elaborate on. I've discussed the situation directly with the other party (someone whose friendship I value), which helped quite a bit, but it doesn't change the overall situation with me much, nor did I particularly expect it to.
I'm making this post mainly to get some of these feelings off my chest, but I don't want to start drama or meddle in other peoples' affairs either. I've turned off comments for similar reasons. Getting comments along the lines of, “Everything will be alright” or "I hope you feel better soon" is certainly appreciated, but I do not believe it will help me in the long term or solve whatever underlying issues I may have.
A couple of friends have suggested that I talk to a professional. I've actually been doing that for well over a year now. I have a professional diagnosis, and it happens to be that I am perfectly sane. No mental issues, personality disorders, etc. in my head. Many of the issues I seem to have are caused by stress, or at least things that stress me out more so than other people. Helping me identify some of the stressors (and ways to avoid them) has helped lots, but it's not perfect, and neither am I.
Part of my issues arise from the fact that I feel there is a part of me that seems to be quite unhappy, and even a bit of an asshole. For those who know me online and in real life, sure, I keep that part under wraps most of the time, but it's still there, and it still gnaws at me. Sometimes I even become worried that part of me will get out of control and cause damage or otherwise behave inappropriately.
This video might help make it clearer about what kind of emotional tightrope I feel I walk on sometimes:
Even if you don't care about me, I think you'll find the video interesting. The speaker is Philip Zimbardo, who ran the famous Stanford Prison Experiment.
Part of me also feels that I am doing something fundamentally wrong in my life, and it is somehow causing me some of the issues that I have. But what do I need to change or add? I'm just not sure. Do I need to switch jobs/industries? Work less conventions/more conventions? Start drinking heavily again? Find someone special? Travel the world? Invade Denmark again? Discover a cure for cancer? Start playing online multiplayer games? I just don't know. It's difficult to analyze my situation since I am in the middle of it, and therefore a biased participant.
To quote someone I dated many years ago, "Life can be confusing sometimes".
So... what's my next move?
[Edit: If you want to follow up with me, sure. My contact info is here, or you can send me a private message.]
I'm making this post mainly to get some of these feelings off my chest, but I don't want to start drama or meddle in other peoples' affairs either. I've turned off comments for similar reasons. Getting comments along the lines of, “Everything will be alright” or "I hope you feel better soon" is certainly appreciated, but I do not believe it will help me in the long term or solve whatever underlying issues I may have.
A couple of friends have suggested that I talk to a professional. I've actually been doing that for well over a year now. I have a professional diagnosis, and it happens to be that I am perfectly sane. No mental issues, personality disorders, etc. in my head. Many of the issues I seem to have are caused by stress, or at least things that stress me out more so than other people. Helping me identify some of the stressors (and ways to avoid them) has helped lots, but it's not perfect, and neither am I.
Part of my issues arise from the fact that I feel there is a part of me that seems to be quite unhappy, and even a bit of an asshole. For those who know me online and in real life, sure, I keep that part under wraps most of the time, but it's still there, and it still gnaws at me. Sometimes I even become worried that part of me will get out of control and cause damage or otherwise behave inappropriately.
This video might help make it clearer about what kind of emotional tightrope I feel I walk on sometimes:
Even if you don't care about me, I think you'll find the video interesting. The speaker is Philip Zimbardo, who ran the famous Stanford Prison Experiment.
Part of me also feels that I am doing something fundamentally wrong in my life, and it is somehow causing me some of the issues that I have. But what do I need to change or add? I'm just not sure. Do I need to switch jobs/industries? Work less conventions/more conventions? Start drinking heavily again? Find someone special? Travel the world? Invade Denmark again? Discover a cure for cancer? Start playing online multiplayer games? I just don't know. It's difficult to analyze my situation since I am in the middle of it, and therefore a biased participant.
To quote someone I dated many years ago, "Life can be confusing sometimes".
So... what's my next move?
[Edit: If you want to follow up with me, sure. My contact info is here, or you can send me a private message.]
