digitalriver.com are stupid spammers

[giza]

Look what I found in my mailbox today:

Subject: Business development
Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 09:59:56 -0600
From: "Jeff Schmidt" <jschmidt@digitalriver.com>

My name is Jeff Schmidt with Digital River Inc. NASDAQ-DRIV. I was
wondering with all the people you must have come to your site regarding
virus' and people you must know in the "virus community" ever think
about providing great downloadable software like Symantec and Computer
Associates on your site for your customers? Better yet get paid a
commission if the buy?I am writing to see about any interest you may
have in becoming an affiliate of our new OneNetwork. The OneNetwork is
full of great software titles ready for download from your site, most
titles pay 30-50% commission and are top sellers.

I would like to discuss this opportunity with your company, and
personally work with your team on a number of promotional and
advertising strategies. Please respond with an email or phone call if
this is something your company would like to participate in.

Thanks in advance for your time

Jeff Schmidt
Digital River Affiliate Sales
Street address
City, State ZIP
(952) 540 - XXXX office phone
(952) 297 - XXXX mobile phone
(952) 253 - XXXX fax

To start earning up to 50 percent commissions today, https://affiliates.digitalriver.com/affiliate_signup.html?super_affiliate_code=CD58432

My "company"? My "team"? My "customers"? I thought sales guys were supposed to have good communications skills!

You fail Marketing 101, Jeff.

[Edit: Okay, I've decided not to be a total prick about this. I've removed the address and phone number that Jeff included in his message.]

Comments

[bigtig.livejournal.com]

Spamming the anti-spam folks... nice...

"Hey guys! Would you post my annoying crap on your site so I don't have to spam your friends? You can do it for me and I'll just make money. KTHNXBYE."

[giza.livejournal.com]

Anti-spammers are the targetted audience that targets you back. ;-)

[bikerwalla.livejournal.com]

Dear Person,
I am a veri gud sales man. U and all yur freinds shoud buy from me. I M A professhunal.

That's horrible to read. I can't believe he makes any money at all, putting out sloppy correspondence like that. And, of course, he picked the wrong kitty to tangle with this morning. :)

[giza.livejournal.com]

Him trying to get me to sell software from Symantec didn't help either! :-P

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

"I was wondering with all the people you must have come to your site regarding virus' and people you must know in the "virus community" ever think about providing great downloadable software like Symantec and Computer Associates on your site for your customers?"

Between punctuation loss and grammar failure I am being unsmartened by the reading of this.

Proofreading is the intelligent choice. Passing gradeschool English should be a prerequisite for any marketing career.

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

Digital River handles credit card purchases and money transfers for a number of big companies. For example, when I paid for new virus subscriptions to Symantec, the receipt came from Digital River.

[pyesetz]

I've removed the address and phone number

But they're a public company!  Whose stock has been stagnant for the last two years.

[rego14.livejournal.com]

You should send him your pic of you painted as a tiger as a real rip!

[darthgeek.livejournal.com]

They sent $ork a nasty gram awhile back complaining about their DNS servers getting hammered by ours. Never could find anything to actually show the requests from our servers. Annoying. Curious to find out that they handle stuff for Symantec. We use craploads of Symantec products here.