Italian 101

[giza]

According to a cow-orker, if you ever travel to Italy, here are the important words/phrases to know:

1) mangi - Eat

2) Dove è la stanza da bagno? - Where is the bathroom?

3) Ufficiale onesto, mi ha detto che fosse 18 e non la ho conosciuta ero un hooker malato del transvestite! - Honest officer, she told me she was 18 and I did not know she was a diseased transvestite hooker!

4) Lo desiderate fare che cosa con questa capra?? - You want me to do what with this goat??

Comments

[shenryyr.livejournal.com]

the age of consent in italy is 14.

[melkitsune.livejournal.com]

Also, no drinking age.

And you could just say il bagno instead of la stanza da bagno... or il gabinetto for toilet. In fact I think you'd use that if you were asking for a place you could go to relieve yourself.

Heh, I've studied Italian for 4 years so far and now finally have a chance to use it in the "real world."

Italy

[colugino.livejournal.com]

Who the hell knows Italian? I just go to AltaVista.com and use their translator. I better buy myself a phone with web access next year when I go to Italy so I can translate or it is gonna suck when I want to order a hamburger and I end up getting ground up dead baby on a roll covered with ketchup.

[tgeller.livejournal.com]

Even the most condensed versions of Berlitz' phrasebooks include a section on "dating". Or, rather, the five or six phrases you'll need if you want to look like the biggest sleazebag in Europe* (and that's saying a lot):

Italian / English / Real meaning

* Posso offrirle da bere?

May I get you a drink?

May I make your will more pliable?

* Attende qualcuno?

Are you waiting for someone?

Are you as desperate and horny as I am?

* Vive sola?

Do you live alone?

Do you invite macking foreigners into your home after only one drink?

* Posso accompagnarla a casa?

May I take you home?

Am I gonna get any?

* A che ora parte il suo ultimo treno?

What time is your last train?

I don't like that mushy hugging stuff after I've shot.

* Grazie! E stata una magnifica serata.

Thank you, it's been a wonderful evening.

Later! Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!

[gatcat.livejournal.com]

4) Lo desiderate fare che cosa con questa capra??

I see the Italian edition of my memoirs has hit the bookshelf.

Italy 2

[colugino.livejournal.com]

And let's not forget for when you are up in the more remote areas of Italia:

Signore, potete ottenere fuori della vostra sorella abbastanza lunga rendermi una certa pasta voi bastardo grasso grasso? = Sir, can you get off of your sister long enough to make me some pasta you greasy fat bastard?

Re: Italy 2

[randomzen.livejournal.com]

Siete una fica nasy.

Re: Italy 2

[colugino.livejournal.com]

And that translates to: "Random's mom can take 7 guys at one time??"

Re: Italy 2

[melkitsune.livejournal.com]

Actually, it means:

"Gentlemen [plural], could you all attain outside of your [plural] sister long enough to hinder me a certain pastry you all greasy greasy bastard?"

Another reason not to trust AltaVista or any cheap online translations.

Re: Italy 2

[colugino.livejournal.com]

I never trust any of these translators. Not since I translated a customer email that said something to the effect of "Hi, you are a dick still customer" when translated back to him in French or whatever. It should have been "Hi Dick, you are still a customer...."