Upcoming Presidential Debate

[giza]

As folks probably know, there is an upcoming presidential debate. I'm pleased to report that my secret sources have gotten a list of the questions which will be asked of the candidates at the debate. Here you go!

• Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

• Do you still beat your wife?

• Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?

• What is the meaning of the word 'is'?

• If an orange is called an orange because of it's colour, why isn't a banana called a yellow?

• What did you know and when did you know it?

• Why do dogs have wet noses?

Comments

[shenryyr.livejournal.com]

duh..... I'm for a strong america
I'm for jobs
I'm for war for those who want war and no war for those who want no war
vote me!

Because I'm feeling whimsical...

[cjthomas.livejournal.com]

• Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
  
  No.
  
  
• Do you still beat your wife?
  
  That question cannot be answered, as it makes assumptions that are not valid.
  
  
• Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?
  
  The official church position is that God cannot contradict Himself, which means "no".
  
  
• What is the meaning of the word 'is'?
  
  Verb meaning to be the specified thing, or possess the specified quality. When used with a subject but no object, it means to exist.
  
  
• If an orange is called an orange because of it's colour, why isn't a banana called a yellow?
  
  Most English words are historical artifacts of the language's evolution, and so are not chosen in a self-consistent manner.
  
  
• What did you know and when did you know it?
  
  I knew That, Then. For a more specific answer, ask a more specific question.
  
  
• Why do dogs have wet noses?
  
  It is one of the few places where they can cool themselves efficiently by sweating, if I understand correctly. When they can't cool enough by sweating, they pant.
  

What do I win? };>

[camstone.livejournal.com]

"Why is there air?"

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

Because if there weren't, you'd suffocate and not be able to ask the question. Similarly, if we were fish, you'd be asking, "Why is there water?"

Also, I'm not sure on this, but I think the color orange was named after the fruit, not the other way around. I've got my secret aardvarks investigating this.

[boixboi.livejournal.com]

The ultimate candidate answers the tough questions:

1. Why, yes! Why do you ask?
2. No, I've moved onto pissing in the faces of foreign nationals. I still let the dogs and children have a go at her on the weekends when I'm away. Are you still taking advantage of orphans?
3. Not really, but he -can- make a rock so heavy it will give him a hernia.
4. That depends on whether you're a slovenly liberal or a fastidious conservative, but mostly I believe it's a relative term used to indicate whether or not something is going on currently.
5. Because "Yellow-fellow-mo-mello" is not nearly as good an introduction to the name game.
6. In this modern age, they say knowledge is a commodity, but I prefer to view it as a constraint. Shortly after all the details come out on a thing I can reveal that I -always- knew -everything- on the subject, and if it didn't turn out well then I was held back by the media and activist judges; but if it did, believe me, I know I did all of it!
7. I could tell you, but then you would need to vomit. Let's just say it relates to the earlier question about my wife.

[this is a bit of satire, not intended to offend, please don't kill me, people]

[pyesetz]

According to today's physics (I think), all sufficiently-large forces are irresistible, but no object is truly immovable, so *NO*: God can lift any rock he can make.  But there are facts God cannot know, such as the phase of entangled photons.

I think dogs' noses are wet because they lick them.  Wet noses are better to smell you with, my dear.

I still beat my wife at Scrabble and Backgammon, but not always.

[cjthomas.livejournal.com]

According to today's physics (I think), all sufficiently-large forces are irresistible, but no object is truly immovable, so *NO*: God can lift any rock he can make. But there are facts God cannot know, such as the phase of entangled photons.

That depends on how you interpret God's relationship with the universe. You could equally well argue that God is free to arbitrarily choose the state of any process that to us is truly random or unknowable, with the fact that to us it's random giving Him impunity to do whatever he likes. Rather handy way of affecting the universe, if set up like that.

A metaphor that works well for this interpretation is to consider the spacetime diagram of the universe as a story being written, with God as the author. The story's better if the background and events are self-consistent, but the author can still write whatever they please.

Your interpretation may vary :). I'm not trying to endorse any particular one (or any statement that God exists at all); I'm just having fun listing possibilities.

[cadpigjr.livejournal.com]

I love answering things!


# Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
nope

# Do you still beat your wife?
I like boys... so no

# Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?
yes... no..... maybe?

# What is the meaning of the word 'is'?
the third person form of to be.

# If an orange is called an orange because of it's colour, why isn't a banana called a yellow?
because the person who named the orange was lazey

# What did you know and when did you know it?
that I am in control.... I always knew that though.

# Why do dogs have wet noses?
to poke people with!